Monday was my birthday, and it did not start well.  Stephanie had had a call from her mother saying her dad was a lot worse, he had been throwing up blood, and he was not looking good.  Steph was getting ready to go to Newcastle to be with him and her family.  Then at the hospital I was told I was not going to have chemo in the end.  This was sort of good, as who wants to have chemo on their birthday!  However, it was still a slight disappointment since I had been waiting for it, worrying about it.  The main reason for this was, they wanted to discuss my ‘case’ in their weekly meeting which is on Thursdays.  This is when the top experts in Europe, maybe in the world gather together to discuss the cancer cases!  However, they said if the cancer gets bigger or I will develop other symptoms such as breathlessness I should contact the hospital.

At this point I was not feeling the birthday vibe.  Suzie and I went for a nice chamomile tea to calm the nerves down while I was waiting for my massage that I had booked in the hospital.  Suzie said she was going to take me for a lovely lunch and then shopping after the massage.  She said we were going to get a pair of shoes each, her treat!  I have not been treated like that for AGES, so I was beginning to feel more excited about the birthday.

Even the massage did not seem to relax me, almost the opposite.  The pain in my chest was aggravated by lying on my back during the massage.  Finally, after a small glass of extremely lovely Chilean Shiraz at this amazing gastro pub near Sloane Square where we went for lunch I started to feel relax and happy.  That was definitely the turning point, after which I had a wonderful birthday!  We managed to find a pair of gorgeous shoes each, which we wore with pretty dresses to our local pub Cat & Mutton for dinner.  My lovely friend Anna happened to be in London, so she, Shawn and Jukka joined us.  The food, the company was lovely, and I felt so uplifted, happy, and ‘normal’.  Suzie truly made my birthday.  I am always grateful for her.  She is an angel.

Gradually, during the week the cancer was growing slowly, and I started to experience more pain in my chest which also caused some breathlessness, especially at night.  So, on Wednesday morning I called the hospital, and they said I should come in the next day for the first round of the new GEM-P chemo.  I am going to have GEM-P-R as the main treatment, which means I will also have the Retuximab that I had before on top of the Gemcitabine and Cisplatine Chemotherapy.  They are still talking about the stem cell transplant.  The idea is to get rid of the cancer with this more intensive chemo, and then immediately after that blast with some more aggressive chemo with the stem cell transplant, with maybe some radiotherapy to ensure it will NEVER come back.  I will have a CT scan after this cycle, after which I may have a meeting with the stem cell specialist.

I had the first Gemcitabine on Thursday.  It was quick, and I hardly noticed it happening.  I am on these different, stronger steroids as well which are giving the usual high, but also causing some bloating in my face and tummy.  Not nice, but I don’t care as long as it is getting rid of the cancer.  The next load of Gemcitabine in next Thursday.  I am suppose to have the third lot of chemo of this cycle the following Thursday, but that is Christmas eve, so it has been moved to the 29^th December.  That is when I have to stay the night in the hospital.

There has been moments when I have felt scared, and fearing of dying, but I am feeling more optimistic about beating this now.

Suzie at the cafe where we had the relaxing chamomile tea.

Even though the tea was lovely and the place relaxing, I still felt tensed.

Suzie at the lovely gastro pub, the Thomas Cubitt that Steph had recommended for us. It was a good choice! Thanks Steph.

Looking much more relaxed and happy at the Cat & Mutton, our local with Suzie and Anna!

Jukka pointing out my swollen chest.