What an awful night.  I HATE sleeping in hospitals.  It seemed to be particularly bad here last night.  The staff kept the full on lights on at least until about 1am, and there was no peace whatsoever.  

I waited for them to start the IV fluids all evening, unable to go to sleep even though I was feeling totally knackered and headachy. In the hospital, I am not really allowed to take my own drugs, as they need to keep a record of everything I have, to prevent double dosing me.  I asked them if could inject my anti-clot injection.  As this drug was not written in my drug chart, they had to call the on-call doctor to prescribe it to me.  I could not go to sleep until that had been done.  Finally, at about 1am, they had set the IV fluids, I had given myself the injection, and could finally go to sleep. All I could think of was, thank God, they had not started to chemo!  The staff could not have been able to look after me.  Absolutely, no way.

The worse thing about hospitals for me is the loss of control.  I no longer can go and do the simplest things by myself without asking for permission.  For instance, they took my steroids away from me, this morning, as they want to control when I have them.  I refused to give them my Tramadol. 

I was not in a good mood this morning, not feeling as positive as I have been.  I found one of the nurses quite rude.  She kept calling me ‘princess’ when I said I would like to have a wash before the chemo starts.  I found it extremely offensive.  I had not been bothering the staff, and I was more than happy to help myself as much as I was allowed.  Wanting to have a wash in the morning does not make me a princess.  Even the hospital expects patients to practise good hygiene.  All I asked her was to disconnect the IV fluids whilst I have the wash.  She was too busy, so I had the wash with it.  Much later, she came and asked if I wanted to be disconnected from the IV fluids and go and have a wash.  When I said, I already had one, she said:  “I knew you were a true princess!”

So, the chemo starts today.  And if all goes well, I get to go home afterwards, and I do not have to stay here the night!  I am more than determined to go home, so I will NOT have a bad reaction to the drugs!